Embryo Adoption: What it is, How it Works, and First-Hand Experience

Embryo adoption is popular with families who are experiencing infertility, but who still want to go through the experience of pregnancy and giving birth. It is also a way for parents whose families are complete to find a home for their unused embryos. There is an estimated surplus of about 1,000,000 unused frozen embryos* in America right now.

Although often referred to as “embryo adoption,” in many states, including Wisconsin, “embryo donation” is more accurate. Wisconsin’s adoption laws do not apply to embryos. However, some licensed adoption agencies also have programs for families seeking unused embryos. Many people prefer the adoption agency model that treats the embryos as children and can provide more structure and safety for the participants.

To begin the process, you will fill out an application with an embryo adoption agency. After you are approved, you can begin the home study process with a social worker in order to prove that you have a stable relationship and have the means to adequately provide for a child. If you are a Wisconsin family, Adoptions of Wisconsin is fully equipped to perform your home study and ready to guide you through this portion of the process. The potential mother must also be medically cleared and likely to be able to carry a child to term.  

Like infant adoption, one of the issues considered in matching donating parents with recipient parents is what level of openness the parties desire. They can choose anonymous donation, a more open relationship with shared contact information, or even future contact.

Ownership of the embryos is legally transferred through an embryo donation agreement signed by both the donors and the recipients, with each side represented by an attorney. Unlike infant adoption, there is no need to go to court or to have any judicial involvement.

After the mother is medically cleared and the clinic receives confirmation that the embryo donation agreement has been signed, the adopting parents can proceed with the embryo transfer to the mother’s uterus. Most clinics prefer to transfer one embryo at a time. The reported success rate of pregnancy for embryo adoptions is 50%, with a 40% national birth rate**. If the first transfer does not work and the parents have more embryos, they can make additional transfers. There are, of course, no guarantees as to the health of the embryos.

The recipient parents’ names go on the child’s birth certificate as they would for any other birth. After a successful delivery, many parents decide to continue to grow their family with their remaining embryos.

The embryo adoption process typically costs about $7,500-$19,500* which generally includes home study fees, medical screenings, and embryo transfer.

*https://www.parents.com/parenting/adoption/what-is-embryo-adoption/

**https://www.embryodonation.org/adoption/. 

Adoptions of Wisconsin has been privileged to provide home studies for a number of families working with embryo adoption. We asked one of those families some questions about their experience. Here is what they had to say:

How did you find out about embryo adoption? How did you decide that you wanted to pursue this process as a means of growing your family as opposed to others?

We found out about embryo adoption online. We have a past of trying various fertility treatments including IVF. As we were unsuccessful with those, we decided to try domestic adoption. We were on an active family list for about a year and decided to reevaluate our options (continue with domestic adoption, try IVF again, or embryo adoption).  We decided to give embryo adoption a try since we had no explained infertility diagnosis.

How did you decide on the embryo adoption/donor agency?

We chose Nightlight’s Snowflake program because they treat embryo adoption like a traditional adoption. We wanted our children to have the option of knowing their genetic family and siblings.

How long did the process take from start to finish? Would you describe it as difficult?

We got through the process very quickly. From the initial consultation to being matched with a donating family is about one month. We already had a completed home study which made the process go a lot quicker. The timeline also depends on how long it takes for a couple to complete paperwork and education requirements. 

How did the cost compare to traditional adoption costs?

It is our perception that traditional adoption is more expensive. We paid $9,000 to Nightlight for all of their services. Then paid $6,000 to our fertility clinic for the embryo transfer. The cost for an embryo transfer can vary a lot by clinic. Especially if insurance will cover parts of the medical costs. Here in Wisconsin, it is common to have to pay out of pocket for these fertility services.  Obviously once pregnant, health insurance covers medical costs as usual for a pregnancy.

What was the matching process like, and how did you choose your donor?

The Snowflake program matches an adopting family with a donating family. We both have profiles and someone at Nightlight tries to find the best fit. One major factor is how many embryos they are donating and the family size desired by the adopting family.  Embryo transfers have a 40% success rate. We would love to have 3-4 children, so we were matched to a couple that was donating 8 embryos. 

Once they find a potential match, the donating family is sent the adopting family’s profile. If they agree to the match, their profile is sent to the adopting family to view. If it is a yes by both sides, embryo information is sent to the fertility clinic to ensure that they will accept the embryos for transfer. If all three parties give a yes, it is a successful match.

Do you have an open or closed relationship with the donor family? How did you decide that?

We have an open relationship with our donor family. While we are still developing that relationship, we are connected on social media, send pictures and email often. Since our daughter is a full genetic sibling to their children, it was important to us that she has the opportunity to grow that relationship with them. 

With Nightlight, you are unable to have a closed adoption. The degree of openness varies and depends on the adopting and donating families’ wishes. This is one of the matching criteria.  

What would you want other families that are in similar situations to yours to know?

Parenthood is challenging but very rewarding. The pathway may not be what you expect. While embryo adoption may not be for everyone, it certainly has worked out for us. We couldn’t be happier with our daughter. She was meant to be ours.

Adoptions of Wisconsin supports family formation in whatever form it may take. For information on how we can help you with your embryo adoption home study, please contact us at info@adoptionsofwisconsin.com.

Home studies: What you can expect and what we expect of you

Once you arrive at the home study portion of your adoption journey, there are a few things you can expect.

Before we can schedule your home screening visits, we need all documentation fully completed. You can send your required documents to us via USPS, email, or as a Google Drive document. You may also submit completed documents by placing them in our drop-box outside our office. Whenever possible, please complete forms electronically. Please do not submit pictures of applications or other documents. 

Home studies expire annually and foster home licenses expire biannually. We want to ensure that your required screenings and documentation stay current. While we do our best to send reminders and guide you throughout the process, it is ultimately your responsibility to keep track of expiration dates. One month prior to your expiration, we will send you an update packet. Timeframes for completed screenings vary greatly, so it is up to you to return documents and respond to inquiries in a timely manner to ensure the update screening visit takes place before your expiration date.

When working with outside agencies, it is also your responsibility to know their individual requirements as every agency has slightly different requirements. 

Payments for screenings are due in full on or before your first scheduled visit with the social worker. Reports will not be submitted until balances are paid in full.

For 2 parent, step-parent, and relative adoptions, we ask that you wait until after your screening is complete before you schedule any court dates. Once a hearing is scheduled, please be sure to inform us.

If you choose to pursue another means to build your family or decide adoption is not right for you, please let us know.

We are here to help you and want your adoption process to go as smoothly as possible, but we need your help too! Thank you for your cooperation, we look forward to working with you.

Health Insurance for Children Placed for Adoption

Adoptions of Wisconsin knows how important access to health care and health insurance coverage is for children and families.

Adoptive parents typically take responsibility for the support of their child before the adoption becomes final. This can lead to questions about how to enroll a child who is not yet adopted on the potential adoptive parents’ health plan.

Fortunately, federal law provides that group health plans are required to provide coverage for children “placed for adoption” just like they would for any other dependent child of the family, “irrespective of whether the adoption has become final” (U.S.C. § 1169(c)). This means that once a child has been placed with their adoptive family, they are eligible for their family’s dependent health insurance coverage. Following the termination of parental rights of the birth parents, the child can be added to the adoptive family’s insurance coverage, even if the adoption is not yet finalized in court. This allows adoptive parents the security to fully support their child’s health as soon as possible.

Just remember to contact your insurer about enrolling your child as soon as you can. You may need to explain to your insurance company that your child is “placed for adoption.”

Keep in mind that health insurance plans are covered under various laws, which may also vary by state. Adoptions of Wisconsin does not provide legal advice or guidance. Please contact your insurance professional for more information.

Positive Adoption Language: Words Matter

Using positive adoption language means taking care to choose the words that are accurate and respectful  to all those involved in the adoption process. It can feel like a new language to learn when you first begin the adoption journey, but it becomes intuitive the more involved you are. Below are a few examples of some commonly misconstrued phrases in adoption.

Expectant parents/birth parents versus real parents/natural parents

• A person planning to place a child for adoption is an “expectant parent,” if the baby is not yet born. That person is a “birth parent” after the child is born. Referring to the expectant or birth parent as the “real” or “natural” parent diminishes the role of an adoptive parent chosen by the expectant parent and can imply that the adoptive placement is temporary, or not “real”.

Place for adoption/make an adoption plan/choose adoption versus Give up for adoption/surrender

• The expressions “give up for adoption” or “surrender” imply that the expectant parent(s) are giving their child up because they don’t want the child, or are simply throwing in the towel. In reality, the expressions “choose adoption” or “make an adoption plan” reflect the choice that the expectant parent makes when moving forward with an adoption, and honors his or her decision-making process. When an expectant or birth parent makes an adoption plan, he or she is making a significant parenting decision for that child.

Parents versus Adoptive Parents

• Even after the adoption is finalized, we sometimes hear the parents referred to as “adoptive parents.” Whether they created their family through adoption, birth or in some other way, they’re really just “parents.”

Expectant parents and adoptive parents have important roles in the adoption process and to the child at the center of the adoption triad. We can accurately and sensitively refer to the adult members of the triad who all care about the child’s best interests. We all struggle with changing terminology, however, so if you are ever wondering about meanings and what words are best, AOW’s social workers are happy to talk it through with you, without judgment.

Why We Chose to Work With AOW: An Adoptive Parent's Perspective

Deciding to adopt a child is a very personal decision to make.  Every family has their own reasons or circumstances that lead to adoption, for us it was secondary infertility.

Once our decision to adopt was made, we began our journey to find an adoption agency.  As most people do, we started our search online.  The moment you enter any search about ‘adopting a baby’ the national agencies appear on the top of the list.  We quickly learned there are both local and national agencies out there and we learned we had a ton more research to do.  After looking at several websites and doing lots of reading, we decided on two local agencies and one national agency to consult with.

Our first meeting was with Adoptions of Wisconsin (AOW), who is also ultimately who we choose to work with.  The tone of the meeting was exactly as the website stated.  This agency is about honoring the birth parents right to choose us.  We were informed that the journey is long and could take years before the right match and placement would occur.  We were provided much information on how AOW social workers work with mothers to ensure an adoption plan is what is best for them and the child, with the focus always remaining on the child.  There were no promises provided to us aside from the promise to have open and honest communication throughout the journey.  We were provided a list of costs associated with the agency and lots of reading materials about how a home study works, writing a family profile, adoption education and a copy of the application form that would not be required until there was an opening on the waiting list.

The next consultation was a two hour phone call with a national agency.  Prior to taking our call we were required to complete a seven page application that asked us about everything from our personal appearance to all the assets we own.  We were required to email them this completed form along with a picture of our family before they would schedule our call.

During the phone call we were made several promises.  A good-looking family like us could have a baby of our choosing in three months.  They bragged about how they come up first on all the web searches related to adoption because they pay big money to ensure they always appear to birthmothers first.  When a pregnant woman contacts them they ‘find’ a local social worker who will meet with the birthmother and then contract with the social worker to assist in the placement of the child.  If the birthmother starts to get cold feet they had a new weapon in their arsenal, a woman who placed her child for adoption years ago who will call the birthmother and talk them back into the adoption plan.  They found that she was 97% effective in ensuring placements.  They then mailed us a shiny brochure on how to contact a local professional photographer to get the best shots of our family and a DVD on how to make the best video to plead for a child.  The icing on the cake is when they gave us their prices.  They wanted $16,800 upfront to spend on marketing!  This money would not be used on legal fees or expenses for the mother, those were an additional cost.  This was simply how they would guarantee a fast placement through marketing.  We were even given advice on how to take out a 2nd mortgage or apply for tax credits to pay for everything.

After this call my head was spinning for days.  Of course the lure of a quick placement was attractive to a family who was unsuccessfully trying to have a baby for a number of years.  We just couldn’t get past how wrong the entire approach felt.  Adopting a baby is not about speed of placement, it is about making a lifelong commitment to a child and their birth family.  This is a journey not a sprint.  My heart was breaking for all the mothers out there who were being lured into the promises I can only imagine being made to them that I was sure would somehow be broken.  How can you promise an open adoption with annual visits to a woman on the other side of the country?  I know that is a false promise I could never make but wondered how many people would.

For our family, the decision became crystal clear.  We needed to work with an agency that had the best interest of all parties in mind.  This process was not all about us, it was only partially about our family and how it would change and grow through the miracle of adoption.  It was about opening our lives to not only the baby but the birth parents if that was their choice as well.  It is about keeping the promises we make and ensuring we had an agency that could support us no matter what those promises look like.  It is about the long term benefits of our family, this new baby, and the glorious mother who would place the child in our arms.

We believe that is only possible by using a local agency that is dedicated to the care and well-being of the birthmother and honoring her choice of us to parent her child.  We also know that the journey doesn’t end with placement; it is a lifetime commitment we are all making together.  It is about the mother, the child, our family and the lifelong support of the agency that brought us together.