Toddler Tips: Baby, It's Cold Outside!

As the cold weather starts to roll in and activities are primarily limited to the indoors, parents must get a little more creative in keeping their children entertained. Especially in the Midwest, winters can be brutal and sometimes feel seemingly endless for even the most experienced parents. Throw in bad weather or illness to make parenting even more challenging. Those of us who have lived through many winters have learned a few things:

Go outside.

Yes, it’s cold and snowy, but one (or three) short play sessions outside can do wonders for everyone’s moods. If there’s snow, all the better. You can break out the sleds or teach your little one to build a snowman or make a snow angel. If not, it can be fun to visit a favorite playground or go on a dog walk in the winter. Just remember to keep little heads, hands and feet well-covered. Hot cocoa is a bonus when you get home.

Dance.

Sometimes the weather is truly awful, think sleet. Your little one will still benefit from letting off some steam. This is where you can introduce them to your favorite music from back in the day. Dance with your toddler and take advantage of an age where they still think you’re cool.

Arts and crafts.

Give your toddler a roll of aluminum foil (take it out of the package with the sharp edge) and a roll of tape and see what she comes up with. Maybe a helmet, a badge or a ship for a doll.

Enlist your “helper.”

Sometimes it’s easier to just do it yourself, but sometimes it’s more fun to have “help.” Your toddler can help you: fold laundry, dust, pick up his room and, best of all, make cookies. Music helps.

Cuddle.

If toddler or parent is feeling under the weather, let yourself cozy up with your little one with a blanket and a book or watch a movie. Maybe followed by a nap— something you’d both likely enjoy.

And remember, this too shall pass, leaving you with fond memories of playing in the snow, dancing, crafting and cuddling with your child, rather than remembering how long winters can be.

Preparing Your Fur Baby for Your New Baby

Get Your Fur Baby Ready for Human Baby Play

Your pet was your first baby. Your pet is a real and important part of your family, so it's important to prepare Fido or Tabby for the arrival of a baby. A baby will be a new, loud, wonderful, and disruptive part of your home life. Here are a few tips to make baby's arrival a little less disruptive or scary for your pet.

Adults know to treat a pet gently. A baby doesn't know this, which means that you need to prepare your pet for this new kind of interaction. Children love to poke, grab, and explore their environment. If your pet is skittish and not used to this kind of incidental contact, you should prepare by exposing them to this. Gently poke your pet's sides while you pet it, play with their feet, and rub their tail and face. Reward them consistently for good behavior during this so that they begin to equate it with praise and rewards. If your pet is ready for the baby, they can become fast friends!

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While You Baby Proof Your House, Consider Your Pet

Babies have a knack for getting into places in the house that they shouldn't. Consider setting up your baby gates, crib, changing table, etc. early enough when you decide to raise a child to get your pet used to the new set up and possible restrictions. If you need to relocate a pet's food or toys, do this as early as you can before your baby comes home so your pet is accustomed to the new status quo. You might also consider putting out a basket of your baby's toys so that you have time to teach your pet that they are not her toys. Of course, make sure your pet has appropriate toys of their own. You want to reduce the amount of sudden change as much as possible while you're introducing your pet to a new member of the family

Help Your Baby and Your Pet Get to Know Each Other in a Safe, Supervised Setting

Gently introducing your pet to your baby is crucial for both your baby's and your pet's well-being. Use positive reinforcement and practice to teach your pet that they are your partner in protecting and caring for your baby, and not a competitor with the baby for your affection. This will help to take care of the emotional and mental health of your fur baby, and your people baby.

If your pet likes treats, practice calling him away from the baby, or the baby's toys, then reward him with a treat each time he listens to you.

Planning for your new baby and preparing your pet as early as possible are the two keys to a successful pet-baby relationship. Once a pet understands that the baby is not a threat and has your seal of approval, the pet and the baby can develop a deep and lifelong bond that's unrivaled by almost anything else. However, no matter how affectionate your pet is, never leave a child unattended with a pet - for both their safety.

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An Adoptive Father's Parenting Story

Ben and Nick adopted their two sons, Sawyer and Harrison, through Adoptions of Wisconsin in 2013 and 2015. Becoming a family of four has challenges in itself. Things that parents often focus on are adapting parenting styles to meet the needs of two children, communicating effectively as a couple and making time for themselves.

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Nick and Ben have had the added challenges of being a two-dad family. They opened up about what it's like to be asked, "So who's the mom?" and how they've responded to acquaintances reactions to their family and lifestyle. Written by Ben, he explains his own perspective about adoption, being a two-dad family and overcoming gender stereotypes.

"So you are the mom?

That's a question I get asked a lot by fellow parents, friends, family and casual acquaintances. I used to laugh it off as something funny, but always felt it was brash and lacked tact frankly. I am a gay male who is also a parent to two adorable boys with another man. Does that, then, make it so one of us has to be the mother? It made me think of a few more questions I will dare to answer in this blog. Am I female? Am I trying to take a woman's place or roles? Am I trying to portray the stereotypical attributes of a motherly figure? Does society always feel the need to label or categorize?

First off, no I am not a female. I have never been a female nor do I ever have the desire to be one. I love women and respect them and many of my best friends are female. However, I am not a female. Repeat I am male and I love men. Totally love being a gay male.

Secondly, both my husband and I could never take the place of either of our children's birth mother or father for that matter. How could we? They conceived them and made the ultimate selfless sacrifice to give me the opportunity to parent their child. Not be a mother, but a parent. Obviously I want female role models and influences in my kids lives. They have experiences and knowledge that I certainly don't. Do women and men have to have set roles or responsibilities in parenting? Why? Do we still live in a society where men cannot cook and clean and women can work and have no interest in house work or shopping? I certainly hope we do and that these people aren’t seen as abnormal or “modern day families.” Furthermore, if all males and females and everyone else all were treated equally and didn't come with societal baggage or discrimination would it be as necessary to categorize their roles or choices in parenting? I don't know. That dream is sadly way far off.

Third, we certainly have societal views of what a woman's role in parenting is. A lot of this ties in with my response to question number 2. If by being compassionate, nurturing, loving, and affectionate with my kids that makes me a mom then I hope all parents are moms. Or if that means cooking, cleaning, driving my kids to and from practices or endless doctor's appointments then again I hope all parents are moms.

I know by this point this may seem like a lot of ranting and maybe it is. However, that is because I do feel like society likes to label or categorize us. In order for the majority of society to make sense of same sex parenting one person has to fill a certain role or expectation in people's minds. Society does the same thing to single parents or lesbian parents or any set of parenting situations. Not all of society is a heterosexual married couple living in suburbia with a cat and dog and 2.5 kids. Most of society isn't. Let's stop placing labels on people and just let them be what they want to be. I'm just trying to parent the best that I can. Let's leave it at that."

At Adoptions of Wisconsin, we support LGBTQ+ families in joining our agency programs. We feel that everyone should have the opportunity to parent if that is their desire. We are focused on providing the best adoption services possible and are hopeful that more families like Nick, Ben, Sawyer and Harrison will be created with our assistance. Thank you, Nick and Ben, for reaching out about your experiences and your willingness to help others in similar situations.

How to Talk to Your Young Child About Adoption

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How to Talk to Your 6 to 8 Year Old Child About Adoption

At  this age,  your child is starting or continuing school. Their classmates, friends, and teachers are beginning to have an impact on their worldview and their opinion of themselves. Children at this age are also becoming more self-aware and realize that they are a person separate from their parents. Because of this, they will begin to question where they fit into the world.

Your child has probably always known that he was adopted, but now others may also be pointing it out to him and asking about adoption. Your child is also realizing that, while she was adopted, most of her classmates were not. Your child’s classmates are becoming more curious about the people around them, just like your child is. They may ask your child blunt questions about themselves and their family. Your child should be encouraged to engage only as she feels comfortable. You can help her to have the language to answer her friends’ (or their parents’) questions.

Your child’s understanding of why his birthparents were unable to raise him is an important developmental milestone at this age. It is important that your child does not associate being adopted by their parents with being rejected by their birthparents. When your child  has questions, you can reassure him that he has not been rejected and  that you will always be there to him.

Let’s look at one of the more common things that adopted children talk about at this age. What if your child says that they must have been a bad baby, and that’s why their birth mother decided to place them for adoption? Instead of the knee jerk response of “no, you were a great baby” you can help correct misconceptions. Let your child know that her birth mother didn’t place her for adoption because of anything the child did. Help your child to understand that no one decides to place a baby for adoption because of anything the baby did. People place children for adoption because they know that all babies need to be cared for, even if a birth mother isn’t able to provide that care for them. Birth parents place children for adoption because they love them.

Your child is getting smarter and more aware every day. Especially at this age, children will notice how you react to things that strangers and acquaintances say about adoption. Figure out a few polite, humorous responses to some of the more ridiculous comments that people will make , so that your child can see you helping to educate others about adoption. For example, if someone asks whether a child is your “real” child, you can response that “Of course, all my children are real.” Or, a well-meaning person may tell you that your child is “so lucky to have you.” You can also point out that you are lucky to have them and fortunate to be a family. Humor can be a powerful tool for managing social situations and presenting a good example to your child. When you talk with your child about this, you help to set them up for a confident, strong path in the future!