A Waiting Mother's Perspective: Jess

“Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits bestowed upon us.”- Sheri L. Dew

Mother’s Day has taken on a number of meanings throughout the changing seasons in my life. As a child, I distinctly remember the sheer thrill of presenting my mother with a bouquet of dandelions and hand-written cards with backwards letters; it was a time to rejoice in the beauty of spring and the continued budding of the relationship formed between mother and daughter.  

As a young adult I began to wonder what it might be like to be celebrating another changing role—Me as a mother. I couldn’t wait to be on the receiving end of precious hand-written cards and other homemade assortments; to pay forward the beauty of the mother-daughter relationship I have been fortunate to develop throughout my life. I reflected on this experience with loving anticipation and excitement of what might be—a daughter, whose smile and dimples reflected my own.

Time raced on, as it does, and life threw me a curve ball in the form of fertility struggles in my late twenties. After a failed round of fertility treatments and a negative pregnancy test on Mother’s Day; it became clear that achieving parenthood was going to be an emotionally and physically draining obstacle course. Just as the seasons change, the second Sunday in May again took on a new meaning-- this time filled with the unique and raw pain that comes from preparing a place in your heart for a child that may never come.

Now, in my early thirties, I am a prospective adoptive mama and the meaning of Mother’s Day has yet again morphed. I have learned that this day of celebration takes on the meaning you give it. It is within my own power to focus on the positive. As I wait, I move forward with a grateful heart; I yearn to meet my child’s first mother--to know her, respect her, and honor her.  After all, without her, my vision of this special day, could never come to fruition.

To my future child, whom I already love with every cell in my body, know that as I anticipate receiving bouquets of dandelions and handcrafted macaroni necklaces, I do so patiently, with a joyful heart. I promise to find wonder in the wait and look forward to the changing definition of Mother’s Day your presence will bring.

Written By AOW Waiting Mom, Jess.