“In on it: What adoptive parents would like you to know about adoption” is a book written by an adoptive parent and is a book AOW highly recommends to those who are going through the adoption process. One grandma recently read In on it and wrote the following:
Quite some time ago we met our son and his beautiful wife for lunch—they wanted to talk to us.
We quickly moved to “might they be pregnant? Or moving? Changing jobs? Going back to school?” On our way to meet them we discussed all of these choices, secretly hoping that they might be expanding their family.
The first words out of our son’s mouth were “we’re not pregnant” and then he excitedly told us that they had decided to adopt and had chosen an agency. Both of them were so excited and we shared their joy. Adoption was part of our family already as my brother had grown his family through adoption many years ago.
I began reading. A lot. And yet, nothing prepared me for the insensitive questions that my friends brought forward when I shared this new chapter in my life. The questions seemed personal, inappropriate, even rude. This reality sent me on a new search for information for the extended family and friends of the adoptive parents. That is when I found IN ON IT: WHAT ADOPTIVE PARENTS WOULD LIKE YOU TO KNOW ABOUT ADOPTION – A GUIDE FOR RELATIVES AND FRIENDS by Elisabeth O’Toole.
I promptly ordered my own copy of this book. It proved to be an excellent source of inspiration, education and insight for those that are part of the adoptive family but outside of the adoption triad of birth parents, adoptive parents and adoptee. I found myself looking at certain chapters over again to understand the patience, excitement and stress of my loved ones and in the process I learned appropriate language, appropriate topics of conversation with them and appropriate ways to address comments that were directed at me.
The humor and honesty of Elisabeth O’Toole has equipped me to be honest in educating others when I am told “how lucky” our grandchild is – or when I am asked “where did he come from?” or “what happened to his real mother”.
Really? Why do people lose their filter when being told that someone is adopting? IN ON IT helped me to understand that I was not alone in navigating these choppy waters – losing a filter is pretty normal and we are all IN ON IT enough to educate others.
I see this book as a ‘must read’ for everyone seeking to understand the adoption story and their role in the adoption circle.
We have had the joy of welcoming grandchildren into our lives – biologically and through careful adoption planning. In our eyes, they are all our grandchildren. They are loving cousins to each other, and they all are the start of a new generation in our extended family.
We are blessed.
For more adoptive parent and birth parent resources, head to our resources page